fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
