My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
