I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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