1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
