i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
