btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
