So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
