Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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