Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
