we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
