fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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