My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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