Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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