there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
