Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
