i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
