that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
