Can i not drive my cunt home
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
