I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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