This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
