I cannot find my penis.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
