This girl is more easily done than said...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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