I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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