Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
