btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
