maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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