im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
