Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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