I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
