Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
