Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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