The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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