Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
