Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
this hospital has no fireball
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
