I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
