You're earring is so big in my mouth
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
