i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
