Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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