one word: firstdatebathroomanal
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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