we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
