Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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