I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
