I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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