the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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