So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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