Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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