I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
