I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
