I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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