I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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