i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
