We won't sleep together?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
