i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
