Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
