Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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