you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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