I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
