The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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