i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
