ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i already hear my dad disowning me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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