dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
