wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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