Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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