I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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