So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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