her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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